Collyde Prime, Angriest Man In Lagos
Chapter 1
I woke up late. Not that it was anyone’s fault but mine that is why I was pissed. Crouching on my rug with my head pounding like a symphony of sirens was playing in my head. I sincerely didn’t feel like going to work today not because I don’t like my work…It was the process of taking a shower and having to jump the buses.
F*cking buses.
This particular one was the only one that pulled up and the shit was packed like crabs in a bucket. And when there are two or three Nigerians gathered together someone out of them has not “baff” (bathed) that morning. I was beginning to get angry slowly disseminating into my para mode. checking my watch every 5 seconds. My impatience made the ESU on my shoulders suggest I take a cab. Instead of having to bear the agony of being squashed by two market women smelling like crayfish. By the time I abandoned the bus-stop and got to the ATM, the foolish thing displayed financial institution unavailable.
FACk!
My mumu sef 5 minutes was later squeezed in the same bus I was avoiding.
8:23.
I decided to calm down with Angry Birds.
Angry Birds wasn’t helping. I hadn’t passed the stage I was playing and I had run out of fucking power ups. I decided to watch a video…Rickross wasn’t helping either. Cruising in a phantom while i am lamenting in a BRT.
We approached Onipan. The retard behind me just stepped on my shoe anyhow not saying excuse me; not minding what he had done.
I began to remember what Sama was saying and realized he was right. Bottom line was that it’s high time I get my own ride. As we approached Onipan the Goat-head of a driver decided to fill the already filled bus with more smelly passengers and rugged school kids.
8:49
FACK!
We noticed the bus hadn’t moved. But I could hear shouting in front. Apparently a ticketing officer had refused a guy who had his ticket already taken for boarding to enter. The guy insisted since his ticket has been torn as a sign of entry he had to enter. The driver now called him ‘omo ale’ (bastard) he now abused the the ticketing officer’s mother..and then a whole fucking catastrophe of curses started raining.
FACk! 😠
The ticketing officer, a woman was now grabbing the guy’s t-shirt. Huge woman with busts like melons and thighs hippo size. At this point people had joined in the argument. Some were shouting at the driver to go; some were telling the man to apologize to the woman for calling her Olosho. At this point the driver launched an attack on the man as a move to defend a colleague.
Unfortunately the baba mistakenly slipped with his head slamming against the guys elbow.
BAM!
Driver is knocked out unconscious..and the whole bus goes aflame. People shouting.. a baby loudly crying.. the ticketing officer dragging the guy out of the bus with his phone smashed to the ground.
8:50
FACk! I cannot take this shit anymore!!!!
I struggle to get off. Squeezing my self through the back I managed to come out. My earphone wires snapped and my black timbs had turned white after a bunch of steppings here and there.
By the time I approached the reception of my office, people are greeting me good morning.
What The f*ck is good about the morning?
