The Toilet Thieves

A little while after our generator went off, I had to visit the toilet before settling on my cold food, it had been a long day with a laptop on my laps. I walked out to the separate and only toilet in the compound in the dark night, stretched my body with a long yawn before entering the toilet to shit. The toilet had a mahogany door without a key or any source of light at night.
Halfway into the privy operation, my neighbor’s dog started barking; it was very strange at that hour. I snubbed the idea of a robbery; the house was fenced after all, unlike mine.
A few minutes later (didn’t check time) i was unrolling a dollar toilet paper when two men ran into the toilet, panting. I was shocked.
At first, I wanted to question who it was, but they weren’t alone. I could hear a metallic scratch on the wall as they both dashed in. I froze on my dirty throne (toilet) like it was some horror scene from the 80’s.
After a brief silence and some heavy breaths, they began to chuckle in a very disturbing way, I had an evil sensation within, gulped the saliva in my mouth from the smell of the stinking toilet, lots of it.
“So, what are we going to do now?” a male voice asked.
“Relax, let me get my lighter” the other replied
I felt my balls run into my stomach, and started pleading inwardly with my obscure fate, faithlessly. “Ah! Why now? A lighter, c’mon!“ i thought.
“shut up and keep it down”, the first man threatened his partner. “How can you be smoking in a situation like this?”
The second giggled, “It’s sweeter in a situation like this”.
“I swear!  If you light that crap here now, I’ll f@#king decapitate you, dafuck is wrong with you?” the first man was starting to get pissed.
The unused tissue paper I used as a covering for my nose was my saving grace! The smell of the toilet seemed to be getting worse and intense (don’t blame my stinking shit).
I was praying crying silently, swearing for the landlord who built the toilet!
Meanwhile, they had stopped arguing and were making arrangements to move “the package” to base. I wondered how they never mentioned each other’s name, called the stolen money (I guess) “package”, wherever they stay was called a base and surprisingly, they were sounding like we were in a kitchen-we were in a toilet for goodness sake!
“Relax man, we are almost there, let’s just leave here” the second man said.
“What are you saying; do you even know what you’re saying? If we get caught tonight, your mouth will go blunt like an 80 leaves notebook, are you going to blame it on a f@#cking dog huhn?” the first man asked before opening the door. He later commanded his ridiculous partner to survey the area before they move. His partner did and came back; the both of them were walking hastily down the road shortly.

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I stood up with my legs still shaking, used the tissue paper like an aged man, then, my phone rang.

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The Toilet Thieves

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